As you begin to fill your existential void—by forgiving yourself, loving yourself, taking care of yourself—it becomes possible to fill the emptiness that is the root of all suffering: the neediness for affection. Healing begins when you love yourself. This self-love allows for the liberation from the slavery of having to please, of being recognized, of being seen, of being loved by the other. – Sri Prem Baba, Spiritual Teacher & Author
Grief is the natural human response to loss – the deep, sharp pain we feel when we are forced to come to terms with an absence of what had filled a space in us.
Most often, grief follows the death of a loved one, but it can also accompany something else we are losing or have lost, such as our health, safety, marriage or even dreams or expectations for ourselves or someone else.
Whatever might be causing us grief, it is distinctive to us – who we are, what we cherish and what has had meaning to us up to this moment. Grief is personal.
Empowered Life Therapy supports those who might be grieving with individual therapy that adapts to the person as they move through their grief in their way and in their time.
Working with a grief counselor, the person processing grief can deal with their experience in safety, trust and privacy. We are your partner in healing who can help guide you to a place of emergent calm, strength and even gratitude for new wisdom.
Grief is complex. Beyond the sadness or despair that can follow a loss, grief might also prompt feelings such as guilt, confusion, anger, numbness, denial, depression, resentment or even relief. Grief's duration will often vary with each person as well.
At Empowered Life Therapy, what we most want you to know in understanding grief is that there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
We will welcome and receive you as you are, learn about you from what you share and be your caring support in choosing the path that will help you move forward.
She observed their common response patterns during many interviews with them. Her goal was to give language to what they were experiencing so they felt understood and others could understand that experience with them.
The stages are neither linear nor clinically established, and not all people will go through them. Rather, they serve to help us interpret and deal with our grief rather than to provide prescriptive labels. Grief is more like a wave of water than a straight path.
We feel numbness, shock or disbelief. Denying the source of our grief is a shield to help give us time to process what we are going through.
The object of our anger might be life, God, other people, the situation or ourselves. Whatever it is, we project our anger to release some of our suffering.
We struggle to mentally adjust in a way that will help explain what could happen or could have happened in different circumstances. It offers us a sense of control we otherwise do not have.
Sadness, hopelessness and withdrawal can set in as we get closer to the reality of the loss. This does not show our weakness. It is a natural aspect of grieving.
After moving through turmoil, we come to acknowledge the loss with greater peace and understanding. To be human is to know loss, but we can continue, and our lives can adapt. It does not mean we are free of the pain, but that we accept our new reality.
As Sri Prem Baba alludes to above, suffering is the product of an existential void. Something that filled the void for us has been taken away, and the absence of presence leaves anguish in its vacuum.
What we learn with experience, wisdom and time is that the solution to the void resides within ourselves. When we come to love ourselves just as we are – when we can forgive and be good to ourselves – the pain of emptiness begins to fade.
We suffer because we seek and require affection from without rather than within. To feel fulfilled, we need to please, to have, to be seen and recognized, or to be accepted or loved by another. Someone or something must occupy our awareness so we might feel whole, not recognizing we depend on a stopgap.
At Empowered Life Therapy, the individual processing grief can gain the tools and outlook that help lead to acceptance of grief while developing the self-compassion that leads to spiritual freedom.
Our grief counselors also add to the healthy interpersonal connections that reinforce healing. Beyond love and care for the self, we all also need the genuine bonds of our shared humanity, such as through family, friendships and community. We are not alone – rather, we are links in a uniting chain of kindness, love and experience.
As we develop our connection with an individual in grieving therapy, the following are modalities we might apply according to what will best suit the specific circumstances.
CBT focuses on the relationship among grieving thoughts, feelings and behaviors and how changes in one domain can improve functioning in the other two. For example, altering depressive thought patterns can lead to more-positive behaviors and greater emotion regulation.
EMDR helps the individual processing grief to heal from distressing feelings, thoughts or memories. Through bilateral stimulation, the brain learns to reprocess them by making them more adaptive and less triggering, intense or disruptive.
Somatic therapy joins the mind, body and spirit through body-based psychotherapy. Activities such as dancing, breathing and meditating help train the body to release tension and stress being stored. Awareness of inner sensations move the individual toward mindfulness in the moment and away from a distressing mental loop.
Rogerian therapy emphasizes the individual's capacity for growth, self-healing and self-understanding. Rather than direct or interpret the experience, the therapist provides only supportive reflection as the individual leads in exploring their inner self.
Empowered Life Therapy encourages a quality of life that includes mental and emotional balance and health. If you or someone you care about is processing grief and would like caring support, we are here to help you deal with grief. To connect with a grief counselor, call us today at (630) 842-6585 or complete our contact form.
